Sunset Loopy

Running is very interesting because you never know how you are going to feel until you actually start running. 

There are the days that I feel like crap and I try to give myself every excuse in the world to skip my run, yet when my feet hit the ground I am filled with energy. It's like I have wings. 

Like I can fly! 

On the contrary, there are the days that the motivation to go run is overflowing, that I'm chomping at the bit to pile on some hardcore miles. I lace up, bolt out the door and I'm completely bonked of energy and I have to force myself to continue.

In a nut shell, some days are better than others. 

I had been looking forward to running TTR's "Sunset Loops". I had never run the course and was excited that I would get to explore some new terrain in the Santa Catalina Mountains. 

Unfortunately, I had been under the weather for the last week. But I felt like I was on the mend and that my strength was coming back. The moment my alarm jolted me up that morning, my body told me otherwise. 

"Go back to sleep Sion, you're too weak.." My body felt lifeless as I silenced the noise.

"I don't feel too good. I think I'm gonna skip it." I mumbled to Kristi.

"No. No, I'm not. I'll just beat myself up the rest of the day if I do. I'm going."

So I ignored my body.

"I'll show you who's boss!" 

I got all my stuff together, choked down two bites of shredded wheat, cursed myself for not listening to my body and headed out the door.

As I cruised up the Catalina Highway, I lost myself in thought. I remembered the first time I rode up this mountain with my parents and brother. I was living in a halfway house and they were visiting me for the first time since I had been placed there. We shared lunch on top of Mount Lemmon. We talked about my road to recovery, about my new life in Tucson.

Little did I know that the very mountain we shared that meal on would end up being part of my recovery. That it would give me a new life. 

As it turned out, I had a lot more suffering to do before I found a new life. Before I found this mountain. Before I found myself.

I arrived at the Sunset Trailhead and mingled with some of my fellow TTR'ers. I didn't feel right. I felt groggy. After the pre-run briefing we all clicked our time pieces and took off!

I ran behind Catlow and Duer for the first mile or so. I immediately found myself gasping for air. The two of them were having a conversation as we skipped and hopped over the rocky section of Sunset Trail. I tried to join in but felt like I couldn't breath. So I just focused on running.

"This is weird." I thought to myself, "Why do I feel so weak?" 

Soon the three of us scampered into Marshall Gulch.

"Go ahead" Duer said to me as he made a detour. 

"I guess..." I thought to myself as I followed behind Catlow.

We hung a sharp left and connected to Aspen Trail. I love this trail. It's covered in shade for the most part and has some amazing views. It's quite a climb from the very start and my breathing became extremely labored.

I was talking to Catlow about his most recent ultra glory when I began to feel faint. I decided to let him pull away as I slowed my pace down. The climb seemed relentless yet this was only the beginning of the run. 

"Maybe I should just cut it short today" I began to think.. "I can't see running for another three hours feeling like this."

I've had a few runs where my stubbornness triumphed my logical thinking. One of those runs I felt like I was on the edge of death. If interested in reading about that wonderful experience check out Desert Delirium. 

Soon we hit Marshall Saddle. I realized that the next section would be the toughest climb of the run, that this would be the time to cut it short.

"I could just head down Marshall Gulch Trail and call it a day.." I thought to myself as I ran right past it.

"No, you'll get your second wind. It's just a matter of time."

I continued on Aspen Trail and began the climb that takes you to the summit of Mount Lemmon. Catlow had taken a detour and was behind me for a few minutes before quickly catching back up.

"Go ahead, bro." I said as I moved over and let him by, "I don't feel very peppy today."

"Yeah, you seem quiet. Do you need any food?" Catlow offered.

"No, I'm fine. I'll be okay. I'll survive."

I slowed down and watched Catlow effortlessly cruise up the steep. Each switchback that followed he was further in front of me. 

"I can't breath!" I shouted in frustration.

"Maybe I should just turn back..."

I said those words but only continued putting one foot in front of the other. 

Each step my legs became heavier. My heart was ripping through my skin. I reached timberline and the sun sprayed me golden. 

Despite my worsening condition, I gazed for miles into the distance and absorbed the absolute beauty that was surrounding me. 

"It's good to be alive!" 

I eventually reached the summit. I stood there dazed for a minute, sucking air. I snapped a picture and looked ahead. I saw Catlow in the distance flying along the ridge. I chomped down some Honey Stinger chews and set off..

I enjoyed the descent along the ridge. The views were breathtaking as I made my way to Mt. Lemmon Trail. I couldn't find a good rhythm for the life of me. Even with all the downhill, I still was having to slow to a walk in order to catch my breath. I think it was at about that moment that I realized that I was in for a long day. 

Lemmon Trail is pretty awesome. Fast runnable single track trail blanketed in shade. I was able to slip into a groove and enjoyed some sustained running. 

I finally, at what seemed like an unreasonably long time, reached Wilderness of Rocks Trail. This was the part of the run I had been looking forward to. I had never been on the WOR Trail and was excited to see some new terrain. Only problem, I was beginning to really suffer. The heat was on and my energy had decided that it wasn't going to visit me on this day.. Not even for a short conjugal visit. Not at all..

I did my best to stay positive but my demeanor was quickly evaporating. The Wilderness of Rocks didn't disappoint. Huge boulders towered overhead, surrounding me. It was quite magnificent. I used every excuse to take a break, snap a photo and catch my breath.

I began to feel like I was being baked in an oven. Blurred lines wafted off the gigantic rocks. I grew increasingly more nauseous and felt the urge to vomit. I became concerned that my water was going to run out. I was scared.

"I knew I should have stayed home. You're an idiot, Sion. I wish I was at home.."

I staggered on, forcing myself to run until I was on the verge of passing out. Only to repeat the process. The trail was amazing. Single track delight. Wonderful landscape and incredible views. Yet, I was in hell. I was suffering something awful. 

Running was becoming alarmingly difficult. At this point I was taking breaks to sit on the ground and catch my breath. I would envision finishing up the run and collapsing to earths surface.

"If I can make it to Marshall Saddle, I'll be good.." I thought to myself. 

I knew that once I got to the saddle, I would have screaming downhill all the way to Marshall Gulch, then onto Sunset Trail and to the finish.

"Keep moving."

The last stretch to the saddle was the dagger. I grew increasingly more faint. My equilibrium felt disrupted which caused severe dizzy spells. I felt a migraine developing. I felt sleepy. I sat down and panted like a dog. I wondered if I could keep going, if I could make it back. Did I need help? Search and rescue? 

Feeling the threat of running out of water looming, I slapped myself together and finished off the last climb to the saddle. I took a seat on a log, sipped on some water and caught my breath. 

"You're going to run every step of Marshall Gulch Trail." I told myself, "Every step."

And so I did. I ran the whole way down to Marshall Gulch. I managed to avoid tripping, despite the dizziness that had enveloped me. I took a breather and walked to Sunset Trail. 

"This is it. The last stretch. You are going to make it." I encouraged myself.

I was able to lift myself out of the funk and focus on the last stretch of the run. I ran and walked without taking anymore breaks. And just like that, I was back at the trail head. I was alive. 

I made sure to do what I had daydreamed about, so I picked a spot and collapsed to the surface of earth. I enjoyed that briefly before getting attacked by a swarm of horse flies. 

It just wasn't my day.

                     "You may encounter many defeats but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it."

                                                                             

                                                                 ~Maya Angelou      

                                                                     1928~2014