Running Reflections

It's two weeks until the Javelina Jundred and I am in the best shape of my life. I feel light as air as I make my way up Phonline Trail's initial ascent. My mind is wandering. I'm in a zone. 

I see a runner far ahead of me zig-zagging up the single track. I push harder. I don't know how else to be when it comes to running. What can I say, it's in my blood. "Go get him" I tell myself. This was supposed to be an "easy" run but now I am full-steam ahead. 

I continue flying up the steep and eventually I cruise past the other runner. I am daydreaming. I am thinking about Javelina. I am lost in thought. I envision crossing the finish line and collapsing to the ground. I have tears streaming down my salty face. I get up and say "my job here is done" and everyone cheers. I smile. This is what I dream about. 

The single track flattens out and I am all alone. I am running fast. I am running very fast. I hop from rock to rock like a billy goat on crack. I continue to dream. I lose myself. 

Suddenly I am jerked out of my dream state when I catch a toe on a rock and I am sent airborne. The amount of time spent in the air couldn't have been more than a few seconds, yet it felt like an eternity. I could easily see that this wasn't going to end well. There was nothing but jagged rock to cushion my fall. 

I land hard on nothing but rock. The wind is knocked out of me and I choke. I am dazed. "What the hell..." I mumble to myself, "did I just wreck myself for Javelina?" This wasn't part of the plan. 

There is blood pouring out of several large lacerations and I can't feel a thing. I wrap the worst cut up with my bandana and take off. The blood is splattering as my legs begin to turn. I stop for a moment and look down. There is a pool of blood beneath my feet. I laugh. 

Instead of cutting it short and turning around, I continue on. Blood pours off my knee as I hammer out 6's coming down the Tram Road. I still feel nothing. 

I make it back home and survey the damage. Besides having some pretty gnarly cuts, I am okay. "Damn, dodged a bullet there.." I tell myself, "and hey, I got a few nice scars!" I really am an optimist. 

Sore but undaunted, I remain poised. 

It's one week until Javelina and I am running entirely too fast down the Tram Road. It's my last training run before the race. I take a step. A step I have taken thousands of times. But it feels different. My right knee is filled with pain. "What is that?" I ask myself as I grind to a stop, "That didn't feel right.." This wasn't part of the plan. 

The remainder of my run I limp along. I am bruised-up, cut-up and limped-up. "How could this be?!" I am enraged. "Why does something always have to go wrong?!" 

Well, I am not always an optimist.. 

I toe the line at Javelina feeling like I can't run a hundred yards and I run 65 miles. Is that a failure? I must accept that it was not meant to be. My legs are back and I am blessed to be doing what I love once again. I am more motivated than I have ever been. 

This is part of the plan.

Javelina Jundred

The few months leading up to the starting line of The Javelina Jundred was an incredible journey. I never could have imagined that I would consider traveling 100 miles on foot. That sounds insane or just plain ridiculous..

My love to run further and faster has grown more with each passing day. I love mountains. I love trail running. I love ultras. I love to push the envelope and I'm just getting started.

I can say that in the 3 months of training leading up to my first 100 mile race everything seemed to be smooth sailing. I don't want to bore you with a bunch of stats, so let's just say I was putting in a lot of miles. I had an "eye-opening" race at Vertigo where I suffered cramps that would have killed a small child. I followed that with probably my best race ever at Javelina Jangover. 

My body seemed to be holding up really well, as I was walking that line of big miles and avoiding injury. Three weeks outside of the Jundred I put in my last long run, TTR's Mount Hopkins Ascent/Descent. The 24 miles spent on forest road felt like a good way to wind it down.

In the following weeks I managed to have my worst fall ever (I never told anyone this) and seriously aggravated my right knee (or this). I was a complete wreck mentally in the week leading up to the race. I finally had a meltdown. "My right knee is jacked, I have a damn limp!" I whimpered to Kristi. After my picture perfect training, I felt like my body was giving out. "Did I over-train?" I sadly thought..

I had too much invested into the race to not give it a go. I knew I could run on my seemingly "fragile" legs, but my confidence took quite a hit. A lot of the excitement was replaced with stress. 

On Friday morning Kristi and I got our bags packed and headed off to Fountain Hills. Packet pick-up was at the Fort McDowell Radisson, where we were also to be staying for the next 3 days. The resort was beautiful. We quickly noticed the crowd of crazies gathering in the court yard as we pulled up. 

I made my way over to the group and immediately saw my buddy Steve Bagg. Steve and I trained a little together and have both been working toward the same goal. "What's up man?" I exclaimed as I saw him and his girlfriend, Becky, lounging on some comfy chairs. "I'm just ready to get this started" Steve said. "I've gone on some short little runs this week and keep having these aches and pains.." Hearing him say that brought me some relief. "I've been dealing with the same thing!" I emphatically explained. 

I soon found the line to pick up my bib. I already knew the Coury's gave me the number 3 bib, which was cool. Having a low bib number is kind of an honor. As soon as I grabbed my bib, Kristi pointed out that it was also personalized. "Look, it says Sirunben!" I was a bit shocked. "Awesome!" I shouted. I'm not gonna lie, that was pretty sweet. Sirunben is a nickname my brother, Max, gave me. Through the powers of social media, Aravaipa Running knew that. 

After Kristi and I ate some dinner we called it a night. I managed to drift in and out of sleep, never actually "sleeping". This is nothing new to me, I rarely get any sleep the night before the race. At 3:00 am my alarm screamed at me and it was time to get up. "Knee feels good" I mumbled under my breath as I got into the shower. "I am going to do this" I told myself. 

Kristi and I arrived at Javelina Jeadquarters around 5 in the morning. Our group of runners and crew all gathered for some pre-race talk and a picture. Steve, Renee, Craig and myself all were very excited. So much hard work goes into this moment. The dedication and commitment is all put to the test. Right here. Right now.

Craig, Renee, Steve and myself amped and ready!

Finally the time arrived to line up. I stood towards the front of the group, among some of the worlds most elite ultra-runners. Ian Sharman, Joe Grant, Jeremy Humphrey, Hal Koerner and the local superstar, Catlow Shipek. 

The countdown began and before I knew it, we were off! I chatted with Steve as we began jogging through the pre-dawn light. The air was cool but signs that it was going to warm up quick were quite apparent. One of my main fears of running 100 miles was going out too fast. I felt like Steve and I had a nice easy pace going, our breathing never seemed the least bit strained. 

The sun quickly rose and daylight hit. It was beautiful out. "We are so blessed to able to do this" I said to Steve. "Yes, we are" he agreed. The front runners were out of sight and that allowed me to relax. I was worried I would get wrapped up into trying to keep up with them, thus destroying my race. 

"How do you feel?" I asked Steve. "Great. You?" He responded. "I feel good.." I answered. I wasn't being honest. My right knee didn't feel right. At all. "If I can get though this first loop, I'm sure my legs will loosen up.." I thought to myself. "I will be fine..."

I rolled into Jackass Junction Aid Station for the first time of the day. Jay Danek was there to help get my bottles filled and offer some encouragement. I put some food in me, popped some S-Caps and took off. Steve and I pretty much stayed together for the entire first loop. Ian and Hal were in the lead followed by Joe, Jeremy and Catlow.

I got a nice burst of adrenaline as I shot through the line to complete loop number 1. I felt pretty good as I did my best to put food into my system. I walked over to Kristi and changed out my cool weather gear. Steve rolled up and Becky helped him with his gear change as well. I grabbed my pair of gold sunglasses and popped them on. "Time to go 24 karat gold status!" I shouted. I felt great! I kissed Kristi goodbye and began my second loop. Steve followed right behind. 

It was really starting to heat up. It was only 9:30 in the morning, I knew we were in for a scorcher. Steve and I ran and chatted for the first couple of miles but soon I made some separation and he was no longer in sight. "Guess I will be spending some time alone" I thought. I began passing a few runners here and there. I felt pretty solid as I made my way into Jackass Junction for the 2nd time.

I joked around a bit with some of the volunteers while I fueled up. I got mad-props on my solid gold sunglasses (deservingly so). "How you feeling?" One asked. "Just starting to feel good!" I exclaimed. And I was. I felt invigorated. "See you soon!" I shouted as I trotted off. Everytime I got a good rhythm going, my knee reminded me to check myself. I was trying to make sure that I wasn't favoring my left leg but deep down, I knew I was. "Oh well" I thought, "if it doesn't hurt now, I'm fine.." 

As I reached the Tonto Tavern Checkpoint there were a couple of runners visibly suffering. "Man, it's hot out. I think I'm gonna go into safety mode and just try for a hundred K.." One said as he was gulping water like a maniac. "No man, don't think that way. You're here to run a hundred miles!" I demanded as I ran off.

I reached Coyote Camp AS feeling downright beastly. I crammed some pumpkin pie in my mouth and bolted out of there. The leaders were coming back my way and had shifted position. Jeremy was in front followed by Joe, Hal and Ian. "Keep it up man!" Koerner shouted to me as we passed by each other. "Koerner just told me to 'keep it up'. That is freaking sweet!" I thought to myself. Very soon I saw Catlow cruising along. "You look great, man!" I yelled towards him. "You too!" He responded. I could tell, Catlow was going to have a good day. 

I ran into Javelina Jeadquarters with a grin spread across my face. 30 miles in and I felt solid. "Maybe my knee really is fine?" I wondered. I fueled up and went over to Kristi and Becky. We talked for a minute and Becky sponged ice water over my head, cooling down my blistering body. "Ahhhh that feels good" I chattered, the frigid water streamed down my skin. "See ya.." 

I was feeling pretty relaxed as I began the 3rd loop. I watched a bunch of runners coming the opposite direction go by before I saw Steve. "You look good, man" He said as we passed by each other. "How do you feel, Steve?" I asked. I didn't hear him respond. "Mmm, I wonder if he is okay?" I thought.

I hadn't been passed by any runner and figured I was in the top 10. I was beginning to feel the heat wear on me and had a little nausea. Soon a girl came up behind me and then passed me. "Damn. Chicked already." The woman that passed me was Rhonda Claridge, the eventual female winner. 

I managed to keep Rhonda in sight for quite some time before settling down and focusing on MY race. I scampered into Jackass Junction feeling pretty queasy. I was now forcing myself to eat. Not a good sign. I took some Tums, remembering how they saved me at Jangover. It was blazing and people were dropping like flies out there. 

As soon as I left the AS I got my first bout of cramps. I collapsed to the side of the trail as I felt the muscles in my calves begin to seize up. "Not again!" I cried. Pretty soon a guy passed by me and offered help. "I'm good. I mean, I'm not good but ya know.." I was a little delirious. I picked myself up off the ground and begin walking down the trail.

The cramps subsided and my nausea eased off. Tums once again took care of business! I began running again and felt a burst of energy course through my body. I got my second wind and it felt great. Pretty soon that machine known only as Hal Koerner came rumbling up the trail. The guy looked like he was running 7's as we passed by each other. Once again he offered encouragement before disappearing out of sight. Dude is a class act, all the way around. 

A few minutes passed by and I saw no one. Then in the distance I saw a runner I know all too well. Catlow was now in 2nd place. "Damn, is everyone falling apart?" I asked him. "Yeah, it's the heat. Get iced down. You're doing great!" He encouraged me. It was quite some time before I saw Joe coming my way, holding onto the 3rd position. Then Jeremy in 4th. "Ian must've dropped..? I thought.

I rolled into Rattlesnake Ranch AS with a positive attitude. I ate some food and chatted with the volunteers. "You sure are color-coordinated" one of them pointed out. "That's half the battle, right?" I jokingly responded. I said thanks as I bolted out of there, eager to get loop 3 done.

I managed a solid pace the remainder of loop 3. I turned the corner and shot through the line. I was happy to see Dallas there lending a hand. "Damn man, it is brutal out there.." I whined to him. "Get at it. This is where all your heat-training comes in! He tried some encouragement. "Yeah, I suppose.." 

Michael Farris came up to me. "You're doing great. Running a smart race. How do you feel?" I began to feel very dazed. "That loop was rough. This next one is going to be worse" I mumbled. After Michael  drenched me with ice water, I made my way over to Kristi. "Hey, babe! You are doing great!" She said to me. Becky and a mutual friend Ed were also there encouraging me. "I'm never doing Javelina again." My attitude was declining, "too many loops. Too repetitive." I added. "Don't you see? Loops makes it easy on the crew!" Ed cynically explained. We all laughed. "Good point!" I said as I took off to begin loop 4. 

Going into loop 4, I felt like I was okay. I wasn't feeling great by any means, but I was okay. I soon reached Rattlesnake Ranch AS. "Back already!?" One of the volunteers said. "Yeah, quick aren't I? I responded. All of a sudden I felt the urge to get out of the sun and take a seat. Not good. "Can I sit for a minute?" I asked. I sat there for a few minutes, trying to gather myself. As another runner approached the AS I forced myself up off the chair.  "C'mon Sion.. Let's go already..."

As soon as I left the AS I realized that running was becoming very difficult. I eventually found a formula that began to work. My spirit got lifted again and I was enjoying myself. Soon I approached Cristian Rios..or "El Matador". He was walking like a zombie up the trail. "How you doing, bro?" I asked. "Sleepy" He mumbled quietly under his breath, "I don't want to keep my eyes open". I agreed that shit had got rough. "Well, best of luck, bud.." I continued on. 

If I could pin-point an exact time when things went awry, it would be soon after I passed 'El Matador'. My legs felt dead. I was struck with nausea. I just wanted to make it to the AS but it seemed like I was going nowhere. I finally took a seat on the side of the trail. "What's going on?" I thought to myself, "you trained for months for this." 

I find strength inside of myself by reflecting on where I've been and how far I've come. I focused on digging into my soul for the strength I so greatly rely on, only to be met with emptiness. Soon a runner passed by me as I stumbled along. I could feel my race begin to slip away. "And where the hell did Steve go?" I wondered.. 

I kept on truckin' as best I could and eventually made it to Jackass Junction AS. The scene there was reminiscent of a hospital emergency room. All cots occupied by incapticitated runners. I found an empty chair and took a seat. "Wow, I feel like garbage" I said to one of the runners laying on a cot. We had a short conversation. I offered as much encouragement as I could before Justin Lutick appeared and quickly began heckling me. "This stuff is easy for you because you're from Tucson, isn't that right?" He stated. He got me to laugh! I jumped off the chair and began walking down the trail...

The remainder of loop 4 quickly became a death march. I was passed by several other runners as delirium wrapped its evil tentacles around me. I wasn't drinking enough water. I was no longer eating. I took several breaks to sit in the baking sun. Hal blazed by me looking as strong as ever. Catlow was still in second place with a comfortable lead on Joe. 

The lack of energy, the bothersome knee and the nausea had beat me into submission. "I think I'm gonna drop at a hundred K.." I told myself, "I can't continue. It's impossible." After another sad attempt to eat something at the Coyote Camp AS, I took a seat in the shade. I was silent. I went back and forth in my head on weather I would drop or continue after 100K. I got up and staggered on. 

About a mile from Javelina Jeadquarters my stomach decided it had had enough. I was forced to my knees as I expelled everything inside of me. It was violent and loud and completely uncontrollable. A couple of people walked up to me. "Are you okay?" One asked me. "Define 'okay'" I quipped. "Is this your last loop?" They looked concerned. I gaged. "It is now."

After I pried myself off the ground I managed to start running again. My stomach felt perfect now. A runner coming back my way shouted "looks like you climbed out of your funk!" Maybe I could keep going.. "No it wouldn't be smart" I thought, "could I?" 

As I inched closer to Jeadquarters, I saw 3 people looking my way. "Wait, that's Walker, Duer and Dallas!" I got a little energy and ran over. "Hate to break it to you, but it looks like it's just gonna be a hundred K for me.." Their faces showed disappointment. "Take a break, eat something, give it a few minutes and see how you feel"  Duer encouraged me. I jogged through the line completing 100K in 11 and a half hours. I was still on a pretty solid pace. 

I took a seat and my crew went to work. I had Kristi, Dallas, Duer, Walker, Outridge, Michelle and Becky all encouraging me to continue on. "Where's Steve?" I asked Kristi. Steve had an IT Band issue early on and had dropped. He didn't want me to know, feeling like it wouldn't be motivational. All of a sudden Steve appeared and also began with the encouragement. 

I couldn't stop now. I had to at least try to go on. One of my ears felt clogged, like my equilibrium was off. I ate a cup of soup, changed my shoes and shirt and felt a lot better. I agreed that I would continue on with Walker pacing me. "I think I can do this.." I told myself. 

I got up and gave Kristi a long hug goodbye. I felt like I was leaving the planet! "Who knows when I will get back??" I sadly thought. 

Walker and I headed off. I began to run and immediately felt a shooting pain in my left knee. "Ouch" I thought, "I hope that goes away." I knew I had been favoring my left leg the entire day. Now it was injured. I continued to ignore the pain as best I could. "Dude, my left knee hurts" I finally admitted to Walker. We both agreed that it would eventually loosen up. That I was okay. But deep down, I knew it was going to get worse.

We arrived at Coyote Camp and I staggered over to the food. I grabbed a few pretzels and took a seat. Walker continued to try and keep me motivated. But I knew my race was over. I was injured. "I think I'm done, bro" I told Walker. "Knee hurts, my equilibrium is jacked. I just don't think it's safe to continue on. I'm sorry." 

The walk back to the Jeadquarters was one of the most empty moments I've experienced. I came here to run 100 miles and I failed. I felt so defeated. 

I walked in and looked at Kristi. No words needed to be said. I sat down. It was over. 

Aravaipa put on another first class event with all the bells and whistles. I had a blast and traveled further than ever before. I learned more about myself and my love for the sport grew stronger. A special congratulations goes out to Renee, Craig and Ken on completion. You all worked for it. Enjoy it! And Catlow on his impressive 2nd place finish. You are unbelievable, my man!

This was obviously not the ending I had hoped for. Not the ending I worked so hard for. The disappointment hurts but the motivation is overwhelming. 

I'm hungry for more.

This ain't over